hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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