Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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