even my farts smell like vagina
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
