im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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