did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
