if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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