do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize