You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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