just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
