some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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