I wish my penis had an off switch
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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