my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
