The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
