Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
