Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
