Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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