I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
