That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
