i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
