turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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