Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
