That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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