i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
