Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
