no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
