Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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