I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
