She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
