I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
