My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
