you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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