Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
