I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
