i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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