Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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