just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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