This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i've created a new STD.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
