No more Irish car bombs ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
