do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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