I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
