11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
