Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
