I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
