I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
