Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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