yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
