Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
