I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
