you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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