K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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