Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
