i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
