I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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