Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
