Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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