Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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