how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
