You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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