guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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