My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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