He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
